My best is good enough

Protecting loved ones is an honor and a duty. We all have special people in our lives we feel called to care for to some degree. It may be parents, children, spouses or close friends. Sometimes it may even be strangers. No matter who it is, we try our best to shield them from harm. A mother holds her baby close and guards them from danger. We teach our children the perils of every day living and watch them with each new step toward independence. We might hold a parents arm to steady them as they stand or head down stairs. We warn our neighbors about the stranger we saw lurking about recently. All of this gives us a feeling of control; a measure or security.

Perhaps that secure feeling helps us sleep at night, but is it real at all. A few years back, a friend of the family lost her son to leukemia. He was a precious boy in his early teens. From all accounts, he never did anything but bring joy to those who knew him. I have had other friends lose children in tragic, unexpected and completely unstoppable ways. Did they do all they could to protect their children? Of course they did. Still, events beyond their control ripped that security from them.
Now, I have always been a bit of a control freak myself. When I was pregnant, I planned each step. I took the right vitamins, ate healthy, exercised just enough, didn't drink or use any drugs without my doctor's consent. Still, my youngest son came into this world with a laundry list of challenges and a "terminal" diagnosis. (keeping in mind that all life is "terminal.") Try as I might to protect him from his suffering, I will never succeed. Despite my best efforts, he will eventually succumb to some illness or failure that is beyond his ability to fight. I have accepted this. So, I turned my protective attentions toward his healthy twin brother. I have all but placed him in a bubble and rolled him through a cotton padded  existence. Shockingly, a couple of months ago, he became very acutely ill. After 2 weeks of testing, we learned he had a deadly bacterial infection. A 50/50 shot. Fortunately he survived and we learned that his underlying problem was food allergies. We are still learning about how to treat, handle and avoid said allergies...but that isn't really my point.
The main thing is that no matter what I do, don't do, life is happening. I am absolutely not in control. I can take the best care of my family and friends that I could imagine, still life happens. As a Christian, I can pray and trust in the Lord to protect my loved ones. No matter who you pray to, or even if you don't pray at all....you are not in control. While this is logically not news to anyone, for me, the lesson making it to my heart was liberating. What a load off! I can do my best, because I should, but in the end....if something goes wrong, maybe that was just  God's plan. I don't have to punish myself for something that was just simply beyond my control.
I will always be a worrier, it's in my DNA. At least when I rest my head now, I don't have to wonder what else I need to do to protect my loved ones. I have done my best and the rest is up to God. So far, He hasn't let me down.

Who cares?

Really, I wonder who would give a flip what I have to say?! I kind of stumbled on this when looking at a friend's blog. I tried to sign in to view hers and accidentally ended up with my own. WTH? Maybe I'll give this thing a shot when I have a bit of free time.